thankful

on this day

that's made

for

giving

thanks,

I'm thankful

for

this boy

we made.

milo's fourth month

happy 4 months, milo!

Happy day, Milo! You are four months old today!

You are doing so many amazing things now! You can roll over (both directions!), stand up in your exersaucer, and you are so good at holding your head up that Mama can carry you on her hip. You are becoming really observant—looking out windows, watching the dogs, and you’ve even started looking at the pages in the books we read to you.

Also, you’ve started putting everything in your mouth. And I mean EVERYTHING. Your hands, your lovey, the mail. You’ve even started trying to eat my cheek when I hold you close and kiss you, which is, of course, absolutely adorable.

Oh, one other awesome thing about you holding your own head up? Those moments when you decide to lay your head on my shoulder…

Milo, I love you so much that my heart hurts.

And I love you so much that it kills me to tell you this.

Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

David tells me that being a mother is hard because I care so much about being a good one. I suppose he’s right, but Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

I didn’t know how much I would doubt myself. How anxiety and guilt would take up permanent residence in the hollow of my stomach. I didn’t know how much my heart would ache when you cry. I didn’t know how much I would worry about trying to help you grow up healthy, safe, and happy.

I didn’t know how much it would require me to sacrifice. How my life would sometimes feels like it is no longer my own. How I would get almost nothing done in a 24-hour period because I am so consumed with caring for you.

However.

(Baby, please know there’s always a however.)

However, I love you more than I ever could have imagined.

And it’s totally worth it.

YOU are worth it.

Because being your mom means moments like this one:

Moments at night when it’s almost bedtime. And you snuggle down into me. And I can smell your sweet head that smells like baby shampoo. And I can hear the sweet sound of you sucking on your fingers. And I remember that you are mine.

Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

However.

I also didn’t know that being a mama would be so wonderful.

I love you,

Mama

for your reading pleasure

You might have noticed already, but there are three new-to-me blogs I'm following and thought you might enjoy:

"Sit a Spell" is a U.S. family living and serving in Haiti. Her theology is a little more conservative than mine, but her posts are beautifully written and poignant. I especially appreciate her recent post about short-term mission trips.

"Miss Minimalist" is penned by Francine Jay, author of The Joy of Less. The post that led me to add her to my blogroll is her short guide to consumer disobedience.

AND, don't miss "Brunk & Brunk," the funny and heartfelt blog written by two friends of mine who recently discovered they were pregnant with twins. Congrats, Brunks!

Happy reading!

wine. it does a mama good.

Thanks to David's parents, David and I went out Saturday night. On a date. Without the baby.

OMG.

It was our second date since Milo was born, 115 days ago. Not that I'm counting.

I wore a new sweater. It was totally baby spit-up, baby pee, and baby booger-free. I did my hair. And brushed my teeth.

We left Milo at home with Yia Yia and Opa. My heart was beating as we walked out the door. We drove downtown and, holymother, downtown Denver is bumpin' on a Saturday night! Who knew?

We found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. Unheard of. We walked in to the restaurant David picked out, the name of which I can't even pronounce, it was just that cool. The girl asked if we had a reservation. We said no. She told us it would be an hour and a half for a table. We went to the bar. Fifteen minutes later, she came to get us and took us to a table.

The date night gods were smiling on us, for sure.

I wasn't going to order a drink. I'm not a drinker. I didn't drink a lick of alcohol when I was pregnant with Milo. I've only had sips of David's beer since Milo was born. (Ok, MAYBE one glass of wine when I went out with a friend.) After all, I'm a breastfeeding mama and I have to be responsible.

But on Saturday night, when my stomach was a little anxious about somebody else putting Milo to bed, I decided I would order a glass of wine.

And oh. my. gosh.

I forgot how fun I was.

We laughed. And laughed. And flirted. And held hands at the table. And after dinner, instead of going home, we went across the street and ordered more wine and chocolate fondue.

We didn't talk about the baby. I wasn't thinking about Milo's nap schedule, his feeding schedule, his sleeping schedule, whether or not he's getting enough tummy time, how I can't seem to cut his nails short enough to keep him from scratching himself, or the fact that I can't get rid of the dry, flaky skin on the back of his head.

We didn't talk about any of that.

We talked like friends.

And we remembered how much we really, really liked each other.

And did I mention that I was fun?

Not anxious. Or irritable. Or annoyed. Or nit-picky. Or uptight.

I love, love, love my baby. So does David. We are learning how to be a family of three.

But it sure was wonderful to be two. Even if only for an evening.

(P.S. The headache I had Sunday morning when I woke up was totally worth it.)

yia yia & opa come to visit

We aren't going to KC for Thanksgiving this year so Steve & Patty came to Denver and we celebrated early. Milo really enjoyed spending time with his Yia Yia & Opa and we were grateful for a "date night!"

a moment's peace

It's hard

to get

a moment's peace

when your mom

thinks everything

you do

is adorable

and should

be

caught

on

camera.