love like dancing

I do a really good job sharing the not-so-glamourous moments in motherhood. I complain about the lack of sleep. The toddler chasing. The inability to keep ANYTHING clean for longer than a minute.

But I don't do a good job sharing all the moments that feel like maybe I'm the luckiest person on the planet.

I had one of these moments the other night.

It was almost bedtime. David was grilling on the deck. It was too early to put Milo in the tub and begin our bedtime routine, but I was too tired from the day to read Ten Little Ladybugs or really do anything meaningful and productive.

Milo crawled over to the stereo and pushed open the tape deck. (Yep, we still have a tape deck) He pulled out the tape and it looked like he might pull the ribbon out.

I rushed over to take it from him. And discovered it was an old Dixie Chicks tape.

I decided to put it back in the tape deck and rewind it to my favorite song. (OMG, remember rewinding???)

Dixie Chicks started singing their rendition of "Landslide."

I took my love and I took it down

Climbed a mountain then I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Well the landslide brought me down.

My baby, the one-who-never-stops-moving, held still. Completely still.

And listened.

And then he crawled over to me. And up into my lap. And sat still some more.

So I sang along in his ear.

Oh, mirror in the sky

What is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

And he looked at me and he smiled.

So I picked him up. And we started dancing.

Me singing. Him bouncing on my hip and clutching my shoulder.

Me singing. Him listening.

Well, I've been afraid of changin'

'Cause I built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Children get older

I'm getting older too

Me singing. Him listening.

Me smiling. Him smiling.

Us dancing.

And it was such a sweet, sweet, sweet moment.

When it felt right. Like everything I had ever wanted was here on my hip in the living room.

Like my heart was so big with love it might explode.

Like being a mama was such a perfect and holy gift, I wasn't sure I even deserved it.

So take this love and take it down

And if you see my reflection

In the snow covered hills

Well maybe....

Well maybe....

Well maybe...

doula school

I did it! I'm registered for doula school!

Ok, it's not really called "doula school," but I like calling it that.

I signed up to attend a birth doula training workshop at the end of October. I can't tell you how excited I am about this.

And also, how much I love this guy:

Why, you ask?

Well, there are too many reasons to count. But, for ONE, he is super supportive of my seemingly crazy ideas.

(2006)

Me: I think I want to move to Colorado and go to seminary.

Him: I think that sounds awesome. I always knew you would go to seminary someday.

(2008)

Me: I want to go to Arizona and walk around the desert and fill up water stations for migrants.

Him: Wow. That will be a big adventure. I know how passionate you are about this issue.

(2009)

Me: I think I want to go to Palestine and hang out with Palestinian shepherds and stuff.

Him: Yikes. That sounds scary. I will really worry about you. But you should definitely go.

(2011)

Me: I think I want to train for a half-marathon. Oh, and I want to fly to California to run it.

Him: You can TOTALLY run a half-marathon. I believe in you. And a vacation in California? Let's do it!

And now...

Me: I know I have a teaching degree AND a degree from seminary. But I think I want to be certified as a doula. I have no idea if anyone will ever hire me to be at their birth, but I really want to try it.

Him: You'd be a fabulous doula. Here's one billion dollars to cover the registration fee. (Ok, it's not really one billion dollars, but it's a lot of money for something that might never work out...)

Seriously. I love this guy. And I'm grateful he is big enough and loves me enough to let me evolve. I hope I can do the same for him.

to blog? or not to blog?

I've lost my blogging groove.

I can't decide if I should keep blogging or not. Like maybe this blog (which I started when we moved to Colorado) is ready to be done. Maybe I should seal it up and tuck it away. Call it good. It doesn't seem to fit me anymore, and I don't know why.

Until I decide, here's what's been going on:

*Milo is humongous. And a full-fledged toddler. Except he's not walking yet. So maybe that means he's not really a toddler, but he definitely toddles. He makes an "oh" face whenever he hears something that surprises him--usually a dog barking or a car driving by.

His favorite things, in no particular order, are: balls (of any kind), cars, fake flowers, light switches, fans, door stoppers, climbing up on the fireplace, anything in the pantry that he can pull off the shelves, the dog bowls, mum mums, and eating off my plate.

His least favorite things, in no particular order, are: napping, getting his diaper changed, getting dressed, having his face washed after he eats, teething, and going inside when he'd rather be outside.

He keeps us busy, for sure.

Oh, and he says "da da." It's adorable. David will come up the steps or walk in the door and he'll cry out "Da Da!" Makes your heart skip a beat. He still isn't saying ma ma. That's fine. I'm not holding a grudge. It's cool. I only grew him in my own body and then spent 38 hours birthing him. Nope. No hard feelings here.

*David's job is ok. He doesn't love it, but he doesn't hate it. Him working nights is hard on him and me.

*My job is great. It's unfolding in a really lovely and exciting way. It makes me wonder when I will finally let go of teaching--once and for all--and walk faithfully into what is developing for me. I'm not there yet, but I can feel my grip getting looser.

*My running is coming along. I'm up to 5 miles. The race is two months from tomorrow. Holy mother.

I guess that's it. Let me know if you find my blogging "mojo"....