8

This week we celebrated 8 years of being married.

Thanks to Milo's grandmas, we got to go biking together, eat lunch AND dinner out, and stay out until 9:30 p.m.

But mostly, our anniversary day was just like the others.

Milo woke up. I nursed him. David changed him. David fed the dogs. He made coffee. I made breakfast. I packed Milo's diaper bag. He loaded the car. Milo took naps. He got a bath. We put him to bed.

Our anniversary was not super exciting. Not very glamorous. But I was aware of the rhythm between us. The gentle give and take. The way we have figured so many things out together.

And I was aware of how much I love having this person as my partner and friend, even after 8 years.

I still think he's funny.

He still thinks I'm beautiful.

We've been through big transitions together. And it's not always easy. But I know for sure that there's no one else I'd rather share a life with.

So, here's to us, David Baker. Happy 8th anniversary.

a mama confession: my marriage needs babyproofing

Let me take you back to May 2010. David & I were taking childbirth classes. Our instructor devoted half of an entire class to a topic she called, "babyproofing your marriage."

I thought it was a waste of time.

I thought to myself, "I suppose OTHER couples need to hear this, but I don't. My marriage is rock solid!"

Fast forward to December 2010. I frantically try to remember the title of the book our instructor recommended. I reserve a copy at the library & I pick it up as soon as it comes in. I read the entire book in two days & earmark half the book for David to read.

You see, my marriage WAS rock solid. I love being married to David. I love who David is as a person. I respect & admire him.

But, OMG. I was NOT prepared for the ways having a baby would change our relationship.

Don't get me wrong. There are lots of really, really wonderful moments as a family of three. There are moments when Milo does something amazing & we look at each other with love and affection and we think, we MADE him! He's perfect & he's ours. Life could not BE any more wonderful!

But there are other moments too. Moments like the other day. When I was stressed out about Milo missing his 3rd nap & the fact that he hasn't pooped since Wednesday. Moments when I turn to David & ask, "Do you remember me being this uptight BEFORE Milo was born?" To which David takes his time & finally responds with, "Is this a trick question?"

Sometimes I think it's a miracle that David hasn't left me yet.

The fact is, (if you're a parent, I'm not telling you ANYTHING you don't already know) having a baby is earth-shattering. It's relationship-shattering. In good ways AND bad.

Lucky for me, I found solace in reading Babyproofing your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less, & Communicate Better as Your Family Grows.

Here is what I found most helpful:

The authors argue that post-baby conflict in previously conflict-free marriages is normal.

"Most couples, no matter how happy & secure their marriage may be, find the early parenting years a challenge (on a good day) or even seriously relationship-threatening (on a bad day)." In reference to becoming new parents, the authors say, welcome to the foxhole.

They suggest that the break down of our former lives (& former marriages) can be productive.

"Babies break us down & rebuild us into parents. They flatten everything in sight, & then make us better, stronger, & hopefully, wiser than we were before."

They don't ignore the sleep factor.

"We hear rumors before the baby arrives about the impact of sleep deprivation, but no one can prepare us for this kind of pain & suffering. Continuous sleep deprivation can make the most sane, level-headed people irritable, irrational, or just plain crazy. It is a cruel irony that we are expected to deal with one of the most difficult challenges of our lives on a wing & a prayer & a thirty-minute nap."

In my opinion, the authors hit the mark on so many things. They talk about "the mommy chip," scorekeeping, & the pressure of extended families.

One of the important take-aways for us was the importance of having a regular date night. Married couples (including David's parents!) have told us over & over again how important date nights are, but we had nearly given up. Between David's wacky work schedule (he often works weekends & has weeknights off) & not wanting to spend money on a baby sitter, we weren't having any date nights.

The book encouraged us to be more creative. And so, last Tuesday, David went to get take-out from a nearby Mexican restaurant while I bathed the baby & put him to bed. We had dinner at our dinner table (gasp!) instead of sitting on the couch in front of the TV. We watched a redbox movie & didn't use our phones to check facebook or look up snowboard videos. It was really, really nice & provided some much-needed babyproofing.

I'll leave you with my favorite story from the book:

"One Friday night, a couple of hours after I'd put our two-month-old, Kate, to bed, Mike asked me if I wanted to get a video. 'Great idea,' I said. We both got in the car and drove the less than five minutes to the video store. As I got out, I suddenly remembered that (a) we had a baby and (b) we had left that baby at home. I was in a blind panic and close to tears. How could I have forgotten about Kate? Mike, however, thought that we should still get a video. 'It's not like she can get out of the crib and we're already right here...'"

Parenthood. It's good times.

wine. it does a mama good.

Thanks to David's parents, David and I went out Saturday night. On a date. Without the baby.

OMG.

It was our second date since Milo was born, 115 days ago. Not that I'm counting.

I wore a new sweater. It was totally baby spit-up, baby pee, and baby booger-free. I did my hair. And brushed my teeth.

We left Milo at home with Yia Yia and Opa. My heart was beating as we walked out the door. We drove downtown and, holymother, downtown Denver is bumpin' on a Saturday night! Who knew?

We found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. Unheard of. We walked in to the restaurant David picked out, the name of which I can't even pronounce, it was just that cool. The girl asked if we had a reservation. We said no. She told us it would be an hour and a half for a table. We went to the bar. Fifteen minutes later, she came to get us and took us to a table.

The date night gods were smiling on us, for sure.

I wasn't going to order a drink. I'm not a drinker. I didn't drink a lick of alcohol when I was pregnant with Milo. I've only had sips of David's beer since Milo was born. (Ok, MAYBE one glass of wine when I went out with a friend.) After all, I'm a breastfeeding mama and I have to be responsible.

But on Saturday night, when my stomach was a little anxious about somebody else putting Milo to bed, I decided I would order a glass of wine.

And oh. my. gosh.

I forgot how fun I was.

We laughed. And laughed. And flirted. And held hands at the table. And after dinner, instead of going home, we went across the street and ordered more wine and chocolate fondue.

We didn't talk about the baby. I wasn't thinking about Milo's nap schedule, his feeding schedule, his sleeping schedule, whether or not he's getting enough tummy time, how I can't seem to cut his nails short enough to keep him from scratching himself, or the fact that I can't get rid of the dry, flaky skin on the back of his head.

We didn't talk about any of that.

We talked like friends.

And we remembered how much we really, really liked each other.

And did I mention that I was fun?

Not anxious. Or irritable. Or annoyed. Or nit-picky. Or uptight.

I love, love, love my baby. So does David. We are learning how to be a family of three.

But it sure was wonderful to be two. Even if only for an evening.

(P.S. The headache I had Sunday morning when I woke up was totally worth it.)

Our "due date" date

Well, July 10th came and went.

Still no baby.

We decided that, instead of wallowing at home about our insubordinate child who refuses to come out, we'd go out for a "due date" date.

Me poking him with my chopstick

We tried to remind ourselves that these moments, just the two of us, are numbered. We tried to focus on how easy it was to go out for dinner without having to hire a sitter or pack a diaper bag. We tried not to pine after every other baby or small child we saw in the restaurant.

But the truth is, we are ready to hold him and smell his sweet head. We wish he would hurry up and come!

40 weeks

So big and SO ready!

11 years

Dear David,

11 years ago this weekend you picked me up for our first date. You brought me roses. You were the boy I'd been crushing on for months and finally, finally, finally, you were on MY door step to take me out.

You were a boy with a cool car. And a nice smile. And I liked you oh so much.

It doesn't seem possible that, 11 years later, you are still the boy I'm crushing on. Except you're not a boy. You're a man. A very, very, very good man. The man who made me a mother and is about to be a dad. I can't wait to meet our son.

I love you,

Tiffany

Waiting for Baby

Our friend, Todd, was in Denver a couple weeks ago and took these pictures for us. We are SO pleased and think he did a fabulous job!

"All the time we wondered and wondered,

who is this person coming

growing

turning

floating

swimming

deep, deep inside."

--Crescent Dragonwagon

Today is a good, good day

Today is a good, good day. It is sunny and sort-of warm here today. David has the day off so we walked the dogs to REI, got Starbucks, and sat by the Platte River talking about all things baby.

David is less than 2 weeks from graduating and I am 9 days away from finishing my last full quarter of seminary. Just as surely as spring is promising to arrive, our seemingly never-ending time as full-time students is coming to an end.

I have amazing, wonderful, and loving friends who are planning baby showers for this baby.

And, I am feeling pretty darn good about having a boy. We have started calling him by name (it's still a secret!) and he is starting to feel oh so real.

I feel totally and completely blessed. Life is good.

Our Anniversary Weekend

David and I had a wonderful time celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary this past weekend. Instead of exchanging gifts we did a lot of fun things together, including behaving as tourists in Colorado since we don't anticipate living here too much longer!

We went to see Brett Dennen in concert at Red Rocks on Friday night. We had been to Red Rocks before but never for a concert. It was TOO fun!

Saturday we drove to Colorado Springs and rode the cog up Pikes Peak. It was a perfectly clear day and, when we got to the top, we waved hello to Kansas in the East!

Sunday was our actual anniversary and I had to be at church, but we went to dinner at Sushi Den. Our friends, Matt and Lorissa, invited us over for mojitos after dinner.

I'd have to say the best thing about the weekend was getting to spend so much time together. David has had clinicals on Saturdays for the past 6 weeks and, of course, Sunday is my busiest day. And while David still has two weeks of class left in his quarter, I was grateful to have my first paper-free, reading-free weekend in 10 weeks!

Our anniversary

Today we had a great day celebrating our anniversary. FIVE YEARS!!! =)

We went to Castle Rock and did some shopping. Took the dogs to Washington Park. (We joked a lot today that we never guessed we'd be married 5 years and only have 2 dogs to show for it! Oh well...)





We went downtown for dinner and ate at P.F. Changs. Yum!


5 years later and I am still convinced that I married the kindest, most wonderful man in the world. I am so lucky! =)