goodbye, friend

Dear 2010,

You won't be over for a couple more days.

But I miss you already.

You were a good, good year. And I'm sad to see you go.

You were the year that this amazing guy turned 30

& graduated from nursing school.

And you were the year that I finished seminary

& earned this.

Oh yeah, and you were the year we welcomed this little guy.

He might just be the best thing ever.

Yep, I'd say you were a darn stinkin' good year.

Goodbye, friend. I'll remember you fondly.

milo's first christmas

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happy 5 months, milo!

Happy day, Milo! You are 5 months old today!

Oh my gosh, Milo, 4 months was SO MUCH FUN!

You are such a fun & good baby. And you hardly EVER cry. You have discovered your toes and love to play with your feet. You are really close to sitting up on your own. You want so badly to sit up in the bath tub & play with your rubber duck. You are easily entertained. We took you out to dinner & you loved playing with the straw wrapper. You love your thumb and might be a thumb sucker?!

AND, the biggest news of all, you’ve started SLEEPING!!! (You are a little messed up now that we are on vacation but BEFORE we came to KS you were sleeping 5 hour stretches at night! OMG, your mama started having dreams at night again! Hello, REM sleep, I have missed you…)

Milo, it is only 4 more days until we celebrate Christmas with you. Your first Christmas. Your very first one. And my first Christmas as a mama. I’m hoping we have many, many more Christmases together but this one is so special because it is our first one with you.

Milo, on Christmas morning you will have one gift from us. I know you will get many, many more gifts, but from us, you will get one.

I was sad about this, at first. If I could, Milo, I would buy you the moon and wrap it up for you.

But, I was reminded that you don’t care if we only have one present under the tree for you.

And I was reminded of all the gifts we give you that can’t be wrapped.

So, Milo, here are the “gifts” you’re getting this year:

Two parents who love you more than anything in this world. Two parents who are committed to loving each other & being parents together. We are committed to this family.

A daddy who works really hard so you can have a warm house to live in. And a daddy who, when he gets home from work after a long day, can’t wait for you to wake up and cry so he can run in & pick you up from your crib. He’s a good, good daddy.

And a mama who stays home with you to love & care for you all day long. A mama who loves you something fierce.

And grandparents. Milo, you are so lucky to have grandparents who love you & play with you & dote on you like you are the world’s most wonderful baby.

And great-grandparents. And aunts, uncles, & cousins.

You are surrounded, Milo. Surrounded by people who love you & who are committed to raising you.
And that is a gift that simply cannot be wrapped.

Love,
Mama

milo's fifth month

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joy.

advent, babies, and thoughts on peace

Dear Milo,

You don't understand it, but it's Christmastime. You love the tree. And the lights. And you seem to like the Pandora Christmas station.

But, Milo. I want to tell you about my favorite part of Christmas.

It's called Advent. Advent is a time of waiting. And preparing. And hoping. (Last Christmas, we were waiting, preparing, and hoping for you!)

Last Sunday, Christians around the world celebrated the second Sunday of Advent and lit the candle of peace.

At our church, the young adult group hosted a group of folks from the Multicultural Mosaic Foundation in Denver. A group of Muslims, men and women, came to our church to speak about Islam and their organizational efforts to build peace through dialogue and education. (i.e. They take time to travel to Christian churches and Jewish synagogues to prove that Muslims aren't scary.)

Our young adult group invited other Sunday School classes to attend as well and, at 9:30 a.m., the room was full.

My stomach was in knots. I knew what kind of questions the young adults would ask, but I had no idea what kinds of questions the other folks would ask. I didn't want to be embarrassed. I didn't want to offend our Muslim guests.

In addition to worrying about the questions that would be asked, I had to worry about you. Sunday School is smack dab in the middle of when you should be napping, but I'm too chicken to put you in the nursery and Daddy was working.

I was right. People asked questions that embarrassed me. But Ismail and Andrea and the other friends from MMF didn't bat an eyelash. They responded to the questions with patience and grace. More patience and grace than we deserved.

(Afterward, I asked Ismail if he gets tired of answering the same questions over and over again and having to defend his faith. He said, yes, it is tiring, but it is necessary. He said he hopes that someday he won't have to travel to churches and defend Islam. That is my hope, too.)

But I was wrong about you. You were perfect. Even though you were exhausted, you didn't make a peep.

And when the class was over, the Muslim women hustled over to you and oohed and ahhed over you. And you put on quite the show. You let one of the mamas hold you and smiled your gigantic, toothless grin. One of the women was pregnant and is having a baby boy in February. I told her baby boys were wonderful and we talked about where she is going to deliver.

I realized that motherhood is capable of transcending lots and lots of boundaries. All mamas love their babies and want what's best for them.

And Milo, I looked at you with pride and joy. I ached for Ismail, Andrea, and the mamas who were holding you because building peace must be oh so exhausting. But on the day we lit a candle of peace, I looked at you. My little 16-pound peacemaker. And I felt like I have reason to hope.

Love,

Mama

baby brain. it's expensive.

Yesterday, David had the day off. And so I left the boys at home and went to get my hair cut and colored. (I haven't touched the color since May because it's too expensive, but this mama needed a little pampering.)

So there I am, sitting in the hair cut chair with a plastic bag over my hair while the color sets.

And then I see the (insert inappropriate adjective here) Denver Parking Enforcement dude drive by the front window and slow down by my car.

(Back up a minute. Because David was home with the baby, I left him with the vehicle I normally drive because it has a car seat base. I took our Civic that HE normally drives.)

And he gives me a ticket.

And so my hair cut gal goes out to get the ticket because I've only been parked there for 30 minutes and the sign says I can park there for an hour. She's feeling indignant on my behalf.

Except, when she returns with the ticket, it's not for parking there too long.

It's for expired tags.

Like tags that expired in effing September.

Don't ask me how we made it to December without realizing that our tags were expired. (I blame the baby.) And don't even ask me how my husband can drive the car for 3 months and not get caught, but the first time I drive it, I get a ticket. (I blame the hubby.)

And so, we now have to budget into our Christmas budget renewing our tags, paying the late fee, AND paying my enormous ticket.

Baby brain. It's expensive.

mary's come unglued

Yesterday, I was pulling the last of the Christmas decorations out of the box and, when I took out our tiny nativity set, this is what I saw.

That's right. Mary is missing.

If you look closely, you can see the tiny bit of leftover adhesive on the empty side of the manger where Mary used to kneel in front of the baby Jesus.

Upon discovering that our nativity set was minus one, I said to David, "Mary's come unglued!" And then immediately busted out laughing.

As a new mama myself, I began to imagine the many different reasons that Mary might have fled the stable.

Maybe she was tired of kneeling and looking at baby Jesus all day long. I mean, I'm sure he was cute and all, but staring at a baby all day long isn't exactly scintillating.

Or maybe she was tired of the sheep's incessant baaing that kept her baby awake at naptime.

Or maybe she was tired of 2 a.m. feedings. Even the Son of God had to eat at 2 a.m. and I'm pretty sure Mary didn't have a Medela pump so Joseph could share the responsibility of feeding the crying babe.

And Joseph. Maybe she was tired of picking up Joseph's underwear off the stable floor. And getting left behind in the stable while he was off doing carpentry work.

Maybe she missed her family. And Elizabeth, her sister-friend.

Maybe she took a well-deserved vacation by herself at some hot springs resort in the desert.

Maybe she was tired of only being known as a mother, and left in an effort to resuscitate a piece of her former life. (I like to imagine her organizing women and peasants for higher wages.)

Maybe she was just tired.

Anyway, you'll be relieved to know that I found Mary at the bottom of the Christmas box. And I returned her to her place in the manger.

However.

She's no longer glued down. And I kind of like it that way.

I've decided that, every couple of days, I'm going to relieve her from her mama duties and put her somewhere else. By herself. Somewhere quiet. At least for a couple of hours.

I think Mary deserves a silent night every now and then.

milo rolls over

1.36 cm

Ok, so you might get tired of posts like this.

But I can't help but remember where we were a year ago today.

One year ago today we got our first peek at our first baby.

And I fell in love. And I swear my heart grew bigger.

One year ago our baby was 1.36 cm big. And today he is almost 16 pounds.

This blows my mind.

Today I am feeling overwhelmed and amazed by this gift of life that has been part of me for over a year.

Seriously. Where does time go???

puppy love

milo's first thanksgiving

This year, David had to work on Thanksgiving day so, instead of heading to KC or spending Thanksgiving with friends here in Denver, we were on our own. We celebrated a day late, but it felt like Thanksgiving in the Baker house!

I've never made an entire Thanksgiving meal before, and I discovered that I really enjoyed preparing it. David helped me stuff the turkey. He put up our Christmas tree. I cooked. Milo listened to his first Christmas songs. We watched football and napped on the couch. We had a really, really nice day.

Mostly, we marveled at our growing baby who is amazing, healthy, and perfect. And funny! He brings so much joy to our lives and, perhaps more than any previous Thanksgiving, we understand what it means to feel full to the brim with gratitude.

milo, dressed up for his first thanksgiving!

david putting up our tree

my first turkey!

our table (small, but joyous)

david carving the turkey

mama & milo

my boys

midas, being a really good sport

watching football

thankful

on this day

that's made

for

giving

thanks,

I'm thankful

for

this boy

we made.

milo's fourth month

happy 4 months, milo!

Happy day, Milo! You are four months old today!

You are doing so many amazing things now! You can roll over (both directions!), stand up in your exersaucer, and you are so good at holding your head up that Mama can carry you on her hip. You are becoming really observant—looking out windows, watching the dogs, and you’ve even started looking at the pages in the books we read to you.

Also, you’ve started putting everything in your mouth. And I mean EVERYTHING. Your hands, your lovey, the mail. You’ve even started trying to eat my cheek when I hold you close and kiss you, which is, of course, absolutely adorable.

Oh, one other awesome thing about you holding your own head up? Those moments when you decide to lay your head on my shoulder…

Milo, I love you so much that my heart hurts.

And I love you so much that it kills me to tell you this.

Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

David tells me that being a mother is hard because I care so much about being a good one. I suppose he’s right, but Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

I didn’t know how much I would doubt myself. How anxiety and guilt would take up permanent residence in the hollow of my stomach. I didn’t know how much my heart would ache when you cry. I didn’t know how much I would worry about trying to help you grow up healthy, safe, and happy.

I didn’t know how much it would require me to sacrifice. How my life would sometimes feels like it is no longer my own. How I would get almost nothing done in a 24-hour period because I am so consumed with caring for you.

However.

(Baby, please know there’s always a however.)

However, I love you more than I ever could have imagined.

And it’s totally worth it.

YOU are worth it.

Because being your mom means moments like this one:

Moments at night when it’s almost bedtime. And you snuggle down into me. And I can smell your sweet head that smells like baby shampoo. And I can hear the sweet sound of you sucking on your fingers. And I remember that you are mine.

Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

However.

I also didn’t know that being a mama would be so wonderful.

I love you,

Mama

for your reading pleasure

You might have noticed already, but there are three new-to-me blogs I'm following and thought you might enjoy:

"Sit a Spell" is a U.S. family living and serving in Haiti. Her theology is a little more conservative than mine, but her posts are beautifully written and poignant. I especially appreciate her recent post about short-term mission trips.

"Miss Minimalist" is penned by Francine Jay, author of The Joy of Less. The post that led me to add her to my blogroll is her short guide to consumer disobedience.

AND, don't miss "Brunk & Brunk," the funny and heartfelt blog written by two friends of mine who recently discovered they were pregnant with twins. Congrats, Brunks!

Happy reading!

wine. it does a mama good.

Thanks to David's parents, David and I went out Saturday night. On a date. Without the baby.

OMG.

It was our second date since Milo was born, 115 days ago. Not that I'm counting.

I wore a new sweater. It was totally baby spit-up, baby pee, and baby booger-free. I did my hair. And brushed my teeth.

We left Milo at home with Yia Yia and Opa. My heart was beating as we walked out the door. We drove downtown and, holymother, downtown Denver is bumpin' on a Saturday night! Who knew?

We found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. Unheard of. We walked in to the restaurant David picked out, the name of which I can't even pronounce, it was just that cool. The girl asked if we had a reservation. We said no. She told us it would be an hour and a half for a table. We went to the bar. Fifteen minutes later, she came to get us and took us to a table.

The date night gods were smiling on us, for sure.

I wasn't going to order a drink. I'm not a drinker. I didn't drink a lick of alcohol when I was pregnant with Milo. I've only had sips of David's beer since Milo was born. (Ok, MAYBE one glass of wine when I went out with a friend.) After all, I'm a breastfeeding mama and I have to be responsible.

But on Saturday night, when my stomach was a little anxious about somebody else putting Milo to bed, I decided I would order a glass of wine.

And oh. my. gosh.

I forgot how fun I was.

We laughed. And laughed. And flirted. And held hands at the table. And after dinner, instead of going home, we went across the street and ordered more wine and chocolate fondue.

We didn't talk about the baby. I wasn't thinking about Milo's nap schedule, his feeding schedule, his sleeping schedule, whether or not he's getting enough tummy time, how I can't seem to cut his nails short enough to keep him from scratching himself, or the fact that I can't get rid of the dry, flaky skin on the back of his head.

We didn't talk about any of that.

We talked like friends.

And we remembered how much we really, really liked each other.

And did I mention that I was fun?

Not anxious. Or irritable. Or annoyed. Or nit-picky. Or uptight.

I love, love, love my baby. So does David. We are learning how to be a family of three.

But it sure was wonderful to be two. Even if only for an evening.

(P.S. The headache I had Sunday morning when I woke up was totally worth it.)

yia yia & opa come to visit

We aren't going to KC for Thanksgiving this year so Steve & Patty came to Denver and we celebrated early. Milo really enjoyed spending time with his Yia Yia & Opa and we were grateful for a "date night!"

a moment's peace

It's hard

to get

a moment's peace

when your mom

thinks everything

you do

is adorable

and should

be

caught

on

camera.