of course

Of all the toys

this kid has,

do you know

his favorite

thing to play with?

A

clementine,

of course.

working moms

(I wrote this post on my phone on Sunday but am just now posting it!)

Let me preface this post by saying I believe all mothers are working moms. Some work outside the home & have paying jobs. Some stay home to care for their children full-time & don't get paid. All moms work.

But, seriously.

Every Sunday, my respect for mothers who mother AND work outside the home deepens.

I have the luxury of working part-time so Sunday morning is really the only morning that I am responsible for getting myself & my infant son out the door. And two Sundays out of the month, David is working, too, so I do it all by myself. (All you single, working moms out there? You deserve a medal of honor!)

This morning I had to shower & wash my hair. (I try to avoid washing it on Sunday mornings but I couldn't remember the last time I washed it & I had some serious bed head.) Thank you, God, for PBS kids on Sunday mornings. Evidently, even six-month-olds love Curious George!

I waited until the last possible minute to get dressed in order to give myself the highest probability of walking out the door without baby spit up on my sweater. I managed to make myself breakfast, feed Milo twice, change him, dress him, pack his diaper bag, get dressed, grab the canned food items for the donation box, put the dogs away, change outfits (because now I was covered in dog hair), drive to church, arrive early, discover that the baby fell asleep in the car, drive around the block a couple of times to prolong the baby's nap by a few minutes, & then manage enough poise to fake my way through leading a discussion.

If you know a working mom, I encourage you to tell her how amazing she is. If you ARE a working mom? God freakin' bless you!!!

a mama confession: my marriage needs babyproofing

Let me take you back to May 2010. David & I were taking childbirth classes. Our instructor devoted half of an entire class to a topic she called, "babyproofing your marriage."

I thought it was a waste of time.

I thought to myself, "I suppose OTHER couples need to hear this, but I don't. My marriage is rock solid!"

Fast forward to December 2010. I frantically try to remember the title of the book our instructor recommended. I reserve a copy at the library & I pick it up as soon as it comes in. I read the entire book in two days & earmark half the book for David to read.

You see, my marriage WAS rock solid. I love being married to David. I love who David is as a person. I respect & admire him.

But, OMG. I was NOT prepared for the ways having a baby would change our relationship.

Don't get me wrong. There are lots of really, really wonderful moments as a family of three. There are moments when Milo does something amazing & we look at each other with love and affection and we think, we MADE him! He's perfect & he's ours. Life could not BE any more wonderful!

But there are other moments too. Moments like the other day. When I was stressed out about Milo missing his 3rd nap & the fact that he hasn't pooped since Wednesday. Moments when I turn to David & ask, "Do you remember me being this uptight BEFORE Milo was born?" To which David takes his time & finally responds with, "Is this a trick question?"

Sometimes I think it's a miracle that David hasn't left me yet.

The fact is, (if you're a parent, I'm not telling you ANYTHING you don't already know) having a baby is earth-shattering. It's relationship-shattering. In good ways AND bad.

Lucky for me, I found solace in reading Babyproofing your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less, & Communicate Better as Your Family Grows.

Here is what I found most helpful:

The authors argue that post-baby conflict in previously conflict-free marriages is normal.

"Most couples, no matter how happy & secure their marriage may be, find the early parenting years a challenge (on a good day) or even seriously relationship-threatening (on a bad day)." In reference to becoming new parents, the authors say, welcome to the foxhole.

They suggest that the break down of our former lives (& former marriages) can be productive.

"Babies break us down & rebuild us into parents. They flatten everything in sight, & then make us better, stronger, & hopefully, wiser than we were before."

They don't ignore the sleep factor.

"We hear rumors before the baby arrives about the impact of sleep deprivation, but no one can prepare us for this kind of pain & suffering. Continuous sleep deprivation can make the most sane, level-headed people irritable, irrational, or just plain crazy. It is a cruel irony that we are expected to deal with one of the most difficult challenges of our lives on a wing & a prayer & a thirty-minute nap."

In my opinion, the authors hit the mark on so many things. They talk about "the mommy chip," scorekeeping, & the pressure of extended families.

One of the important take-aways for us was the importance of having a regular date night. Married couples (including David's parents!) have told us over & over again how important date nights are, but we had nearly given up. Between David's wacky work schedule (he often works weekends & has weeknights off) & not wanting to spend money on a baby sitter, we weren't having any date nights.

The book encouraged us to be more creative. And so, last Tuesday, David went to get take-out from a nearby Mexican restaurant while I bathed the baby & put him to bed. We had dinner at our dinner table (gasp!) instead of sitting on the couch in front of the TV. We watched a redbox movie & didn't use our phones to check facebook or look up snowboard videos. It was really, really nice & provided some much-needed babyproofing.

I'll leave you with my favorite story from the book:

"One Friday night, a couple of hours after I'd put our two-month-old, Kate, to bed, Mike asked me if I wanted to get a video. 'Great idea,' I said. We both got in the car and drove the less than five minutes to the video store. As I got out, I suddenly remembered that (a) we had a baby and (b) we had left that baby at home. I was in a blind panic and close to tears. How could I have forgotten about Kate? Mike, however, thought that we should still get a video. 'It's not like she can get out of the crib and we're already right here...'"

Parenthood. It's good times.

happy 6 months, milo!

Ok, I don't normally post so many pictures on his monthly birthdays, but this photo session is too indicative of our lives with a six-month-old to leave out one single shot...

"What? Why'd you take my paper, Mom?"

Happy day, Milo! You are six months old today!

Six months. Half a year.

This month I flew with you to California and, when we arrived in Oakland, I took you on the moving walkway. As I stood there with you, I could see our reflections in the window. And I remembered a conversation I had with my mama about how motherhood is like standing on a moving walkway. Even if I hold really, really still and hold you really, really tight, we keep moving.

We keep moving. You keep growing. It doesn’t seem possible to me that the tiny (ok, not SO tiny) baby I birthed & brought home is now six months old. I try to savor as many moments as I can. To remember how you feel when I hold you. To tuck your baby smell away in my memory so I won’t forget it.

But it’s hard. Time goes by so fast that it feels blurry to me. Already, I can’t remember what it felt like to hold you when you were first born. And that makes me sad.

Your Auntie Lauren gave me a CD for Christmas. It’s called “Songs for Parents” & I love each and every song on the CD. This one, in particular, resonated with me. It’s called “Small Piece of You.”

I just want a small piece of you,
a token to put in my pocket


and I will own that one thing
and it would make me happy


I just want a small piece of you,
something to put in a locket


And I will look at it daily
and that will make me happy

I guess it's human nature to want to hold you very still


I guess it's in a mother to inject a little guilt


Go on son and see the world; I hope you see it all


But please please please don't forget to call.

Free to fly free to go free to not look back


That's how free I want you though it scares me half to death


Free to wander miles and miles and free to come back home


That's how free I want you though it chills me to the bone

...Go on son and spread your wings; I hope that you take flight


But please please please don't forget to write

I know you're just a baby sleeping in your bed


And you probably have other thoughts drifting through your head


I know this conversation's a little premature


It's just that I've heard eighteen years goes by like a blur...

Even though I’m sad I can’t remember what it feels like to hold “newborn you”, I love the you that you are becoming! You are sitting up on your own & you started rice cereal this week. You started rolling over to sleep on your tummy.

But I think the biggest change this month is that you are really becoming a little person. Like, um, a person with opinions! You are quick to let me know when you want something or when you’re frustrated. You’ve started arching your back & kicking your legs. (OMG!) It’s as if you know where you want to go & what you want, but you can’t quite make it happen on your own. Plus, you are so busy! You are always wiggling, squirming, reaching, grabbing, & kicking. Honestly, changing your diaper feels like wrestling a little monkey!

Now that you are six months old, you put yourself to sleep. Daddy & I rock you & read to you, but we always put you in your crib awake & you fall asleep on your own. This makes bedtime & naptime really easy but, I’ll admit, sometimes I miss holding my sleeping baby.

Last night you woke up to nurse & so I fed you. When you were finished, I held you up to burp you & you laid your head on my shoulder & went to sleep.

I know you are growing. And getting older. And you can put yourself to sleep. And you are beginning to differentiate yourself as your own person. And all the wiggling, squirming, & reaching is how you learn about the world around you.

But last night, I just sat & let you sleep on my shoulder. And I rocked & rocked & rocked you. You were

completely

still.

Content.

Peaceful.

And my heart almost exploded with love for you.

You are growing so fast. I can see it. I can see you, someday soon, starting to crawl & walk. I can imagine you going to kindergarten & I know it’s ridiculous, but I can imagine you graduating from high school & becoming a young man…

But, last night, you were still my baby. And I soaked up every

single

minute.

Love,

Mama

milo's sixth month

milo's cereal

I can't wait

When you reach the proper age

I will teach you to read

and you can turn the pages

how to dress & tie your shoes

your one plus ones

and your two times twos

As you grow, I'll show you things

how to ride your bike

and kick your legs out on the swings

to fold your hands & bow your head

how to say your prayers before you go to bed

And you'll teach me

of hearts & dreams

and all the most important things

and all that I have lost along the way

and I can't wait.

("I can't wait," by Sara Groves)

loving well in 2011

Happy 2011!

I've made my share of new year's resolutions. Lose 10 pounds. Run a 1/2 marathon. Move to Kansas.

But, the resolution I'm going to work really, really hard on is loving well.

2010 was a year of endings & beginnings. Maybe it was because our lives were in a constant state of transition or maybe it was because I was hormonal & sleep-deprived for most of the year.

Whatever the reason, I spent too much time this year feeling anxious. And I did my fair share of complaining. And feeling resentful. Even angry.

I was too hard on myself. I was short with my husband. I said things I didn't mean. I neglected relationships. I intentionally tried to hurt people I love.

But, it is a new year.

And I want to do better this year.

I want to love myself better. Be kinder. Gentler. More patient with myself.

I want to love my husband better. Be kinder. Gentler. More patient.

I want to love my dog better. Be kinder. Gentler. More patient.

I want to love my friends & family well. Life is too short to be angry, hold grudges, & feel sorry for myself.

So, here's to 2011. May it be a year of loving well.