1.36 cm

Ok, so you might get tired of posts like this.

But I can't help but remember where we were a year ago today.

One year ago today we got our first peek at our first baby.

And I fell in love. And I swear my heart grew bigger.

One year ago our baby was 1.36 cm big. And today he is almost 16 pounds.

This blows my mind.

Today I am feeling overwhelmed and amazed by this gift of life that has been part of me for over a year.

Seriously. Where does time go???

puppy love

milo's first thanksgiving

This year, David had to work on Thanksgiving day so, instead of heading to KC or spending Thanksgiving with friends here in Denver, we were on our own. We celebrated a day late, but it felt like Thanksgiving in the Baker house!

I've never made an entire Thanksgiving meal before, and I discovered that I really enjoyed preparing it. David helped me stuff the turkey. He put up our Christmas tree. I cooked. Milo listened to his first Christmas songs. We watched football and napped on the couch. We had a really, really nice day.

Mostly, we marveled at our growing baby who is amazing, healthy, and perfect. And funny! He brings so much joy to our lives and, perhaps more than any previous Thanksgiving, we understand what it means to feel full to the brim with gratitude.

milo, dressed up for his first thanksgiving!

david putting up our tree

my first turkey!

our table (small, but joyous)

david carving the turkey

mama & milo

my boys

midas, being a really good sport

watching football

thankful

on this day

that's made

for

giving

thanks,

I'm thankful

for

this boy

we made.

milo's fourth month

happy 4 months, milo!

Happy day, Milo! You are four months old today!

You are doing so many amazing things now! You can roll over (both directions!), stand up in your exersaucer, and you are so good at holding your head up that Mama can carry you on her hip. You are becoming really observant—looking out windows, watching the dogs, and you’ve even started looking at the pages in the books we read to you.

Also, you’ve started putting everything in your mouth. And I mean EVERYTHING. Your hands, your lovey, the mail. You’ve even started trying to eat my cheek when I hold you close and kiss you, which is, of course, absolutely adorable.

Oh, one other awesome thing about you holding your own head up? Those moments when you decide to lay your head on my shoulder…

Milo, I love you so much that my heart hurts.

And I love you so much that it kills me to tell you this.

Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

David tells me that being a mother is hard because I care so much about being a good one. I suppose he’s right, but Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

I didn’t know how much I would doubt myself. How anxiety and guilt would take up permanent residence in the hollow of my stomach. I didn’t know how much my heart would ache when you cry. I didn’t know how much I would worry about trying to help you grow up healthy, safe, and happy.

I didn’t know how much it would require me to sacrifice. How my life would sometimes feels like it is no longer my own. How I would get almost nothing done in a 24-hour period because I am so consumed with caring for you.

However.

(Baby, please know there’s always a however.)

However, I love you more than I ever could have imagined.

And it’s totally worth it.

YOU are worth it.

Because being your mom means moments like this one:

Moments at night when it’s almost bedtime. And you snuggle down into me. And I can smell your sweet head that smells like baby shampoo. And I can hear the sweet sound of you sucking on your fingers. And I remember that you are mine.

Milo, I didn’t know that being a mama would be so hard.

However.

I also didn’t know that being a mama would be so wonderful.

I love you,

Mama

for your reading pleasure

You might have noticed already, but there are three new-to-me blogs I'm following and thought you might enjoy:

"Sit a Spell" is a U.S. family living and serving in Haiti. Her theology is a little more conservative than mine, but her posts are beautifully written and poignant. I especially appreciate her recent post about short-term mission trips.

"Miss Minimalist" is penned by Francine Jay, author of The Joy of Less. The post that led me to add her to my blogroll is her short guide to consumer disobedience.

AND, don't miss "Brunk & Brunk," the funny and heartfelt blog written by two friends of mine who recently discovered they were pregnant with twins. Congrats, Brunks!

Happy reading!