Insomnia

I can't sleep.

Maybe it's the pregnancy-related heartburn.

Or maybe it's the fact that I still can't breathe through both nostrils and the past week of "I'm sick but can't take anything because I'm pregnant" is messing with my sleep cycle.

Or maybe it's because I'm graduating in 8 weeks and still have no real answer when people ask what I'm going to "do" when I'm done.

OR, maybe it's because I've been reading "Ina May's Guide To Childbirth" before I go to bed. Thinking about birth and labor and the fact that this baby is coming in three months does not help me relax before bed.

Or, maybe it's because I proclaim to be a person of faith but am feeling unable to discern what "next step" David and I should take. Today I actually googled "What should I do with my life?" (Nothing satisfactory came up) I also wrote "KC" on a sticky note and "Denver" on another sticky note, wadded them up, shuffled them around, and then made David pick one. So much for prayer--I'm thinking of buying a Magic 8 ball.

Mary

All the way to Elizabeth

and in the months afterward,

she wove him, pondering,

"This is my body, my blood."

Beneath the watching eyes

of donkey, ox, and sheep

she rocked him, crooning,

"This is my body, my blood."

In the moonless desert flight

and the Egypt-days of his growing

she nourished him, singing,

"This is my body, my blood."

In the search for her young lost boy

and the foreboding day of his leaving

she let him go, knowing,

"This is my body, my blood."

Under the blood-smeared cross

she rocked his mangled bones,

remembering him, moaning,

"This is my body, my blood."

When darkness, stones, and tomb

bloomed to Easter morning,

she ran to him, shouting,

"This is my body, my blood."

And no one thought to tell her:

"Woman, it is not fitting

for you to say those words.

You don't resemble him."

--Irene Zimmerman

David's graduation

HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's awesome

We are so thankful to everyone who reached out to us with love and concern this past week. I wasn't able to respond to everyone who emailed, texted, or called me, but I felt your love and prayers with us yesterday as we went for our second ultrasound.

We met with the genetic counselor first and she asked us a million questions and prepared us for the ultrasound. There were three people in the room looking at the ultrasound and all three agreed that there were no signs of echogenic bowel! We were both relieved and filled with joy, and I felt my body loosen and exhale, releasing all the worry and fear it's been holding on to since Monday.

We cried. We gave each other a high five. And then, as a special treat, the ultrasound technician let us see our baby in 3D...

We love you, Bambeano!

Tonight we are going to bed with heavy hearts. The genetic counselor called me today and talked with me about our ultrasound results. The good news is that all major baby parts (heart, lungs, and brain) look great. The bad news is they identified "echogenic bowel," which is an unusally bright appearance of the baby's bowel on an ultrasound.

The counselor was kind and pastoral. She told me that, most likely, nothing is wrong with the baby and he will be born healthy and fine. However, echogenic bowel is a soft marker for things like down syndrome and cystic fibrosis. We are scheduled for a second ultrasound on Thursday and a follow-up appointment with the genetic counselor.

We are trying not to worry, but that is nearly impossible. We love him so much and the thought of him not being healthy feels like too much to bear.

What I know for sure is that we have been immediately surrounded by a community of love and support. We are loved. This baby is loved. And right now, we feel like we are being carried.

Of course, we are praying that everything is fine and Bambeano comes out healthy. But, as a dear friend told me tonight, if he's not totally healthy it won't change anything. The people who love him now will still love him.

We love you, Bambeano!!!

Today is a good, good day

Today is a good, good day. It is sunny and sort-of warm here today. David has the day off so we walked the dogs to REI, got Starbucks, and sat by the Platte River talking about all things baby.

David is less than 2 weeks from graduating and I am 9 days away from finishing my last full quarter of seminary. Just as surely as spring is promising to arrive, our seemingly never-ending time as full-time students is coming to an end.

I have amazing, wonderful, and loving friends who are planning baby showers for this baby.

And, I am feeling pretty darn good about having a boy. We have started calling him by name (it's still a secret!) and he is starting to feel oh so real.

I feel totally and completely blessed. Life is good.

Peru Connection

My friend, Lorissa, has decided to go to Peru this summer with Global Volunteers Network. I'm so proud to be her friend and so proud of her for taking this big step. To offer her support and encouragement (or just to see her really beautiful blog!) click here.