There's a baby at our house

There's a baby at our house!

Which is why I haven't posted in over 2 weeks. We are completely consumed with feeding, changing, and caring for our new little guy. Our world has become Milo-centric.

I have so many thoughts about his birth (we were at the hospital for 38 hours before he finally arrived) and the joy and agony of being a new mama, but there has been very little time to sit down and blog. Most of my baby-free time has been spent in my bed trying to catch up on sleep.

However, for now, I'll leave you with a picture of Milo Stephen who came into our lives on July 21st. Despite my fatigue and hormonal anxiety, I can honestly say that he's pretty spectacular.

=(

Alright. That's it.

In the name of all that is holy, WHY WON'T THIS BABY COME OUT???

Letter to Baby M

(I started writing letters to Baby Baker when we found out we were pregnant. I've kept them private but thought I would share this one...)

Dear Baby M.,

You are about to be born. Despite the fact that your mama feels like you are never coming, I know you cannot stay in there forever.

You are four days late. Maybe you are scared to come out.

I don't blame you. This outside world can be a very scary place. People hurt each other and hate each other and, sometimes, kill each other.

Millions of babies are born to mamas and daddies who love them, but can't afford to feed them. Or they are born to mamas and daddies who will die of AIDS. Or, sometimes, they are born and discarded.

It's scary and sad and not fair.

Maybe it was selfish of your dad and me to want to bring you into this world.

But, ultimately, your mama believes (like the famous musician sings) that, despite the scariness and the awfulness, the heart of life is good.

It's true, little one. The heart of life is good.

I believe it because this morning the sun came up. And I woke up next to your dad. And two eager puppies licked my foot as it hung off the side of the bed.

I believe it because we are surrounded by good, good people who will help you figure out how to navigate your way here in this world. Like the great Tink Tinker says, There is no way out, there is only a way through...

There is so much I want to say to you as you prepare to be born. I am anxious to meet you and get to know you and see who you are. Your dad and I promise to always take care of you and love you, no matter what. Your grandparents and aunts and uncles and honorary aunts and uncles love you too. They will be here to teach you and encourage you.

I said I will love you no matter what and that is true. However, there are some things that I hope for you. I hope that you will grow up feeling loved and wanted. I hope that you will know God's grace and presence in your life. I hope that you will be kind. I hope that you will get angry about things in this world that are not fair. I hope you will spend time making things better. I hope that your heart will be so full of love that it is easy for you to love the people around you. All people. Even people who are different than you.

I saw a poster in the bookstore once that said, On the day you were born, God danced.

I believe this to be true as well. That when you finally make your entrance in this world, the Divine Presence who creates, celebrates, and nurtures life will dance. You will be immediately surrounded by a community who will welcome you and celebrate you.

Little one, I don't know what day you will be born. But I know there will be dancing...

Love,

Your mom

Our "due date" date

Well, July 10th came and went.

Still no baby.

We decided that, instead of wallowing at home about our insubordinate child who refuses to come out, we'd go out for a "due date" date.

Me poking him with my chopstick

We tried to remind ourselves that these moments, just the two of us, are numbered. We tried to focus on how easy it was to go out for dinner without having to hire a sitter or pack a diaper bag. We tried not to pine after every other baby or small child we saw in the restaurant.

But the truth is, we are ready to hold him and smell his sweet head. We wish he would hurry up and come!

40 weeks

So big and SO ready!

We wait.

I could try blogging about something besides birth, labor, and babies but that would be disingenuous. Because it's all I'm thinking about right now. It's all we're thinking about right now.

We walk every day. Far. In the heat. My hands and feet swell up every time I step outside but, so far, walking has not induced the baby.

I'm eating pineapple and taking evening primrose oil. I got a massage. And a pedicure. David rubs my ankles every night with the hope that he will hit the labor-inducing pressure points.

I finished two novels. And we've watched two and a half seasons of Arrested Development. I've visited friends. We put the stroller together. I hold my belly and tell him it's time to be brave. David has threatened to ground him.

But, unfortunately, this baby has yet to be convinced that he should make his appearance sooner rather than later.

In fact, I'm starting to worry that he might be the first baby to just never come out.

I guess it's a good reminder that, despite my best efforts, I'm not in control. Not of this baby. Not of anything, really, in the universe.

Sigh.

So, I guess, we wait.

Landing Gear

I love Ani Difranco.

And right now I feel like she wrote this song for me.

To listen, click here.

"Landing Gear"

Hey little bag of sugar floating in your biosphere
Summon the courage to put down your landing gear
And come out here

'Cause I am as exhausted as a drowning polar bear
Swimming around, looking for a ride
And it's so god awful hot outside

Quiet kicking me in the rib every time Adam tells what he did
Man creates woman, he says
Sweeping his hand through the air like mister show biz

And you're gonna love this world if it's the last thing I do
The whole extravagant joke topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
For someone who ain't even here yet look how much the world loves you
Look how much the world loves you

The candles are burning down, the music is fading
Your piñata is torn, it's time to be born
And death is at the door peddling that old fashioned blood and gore
Here at the house of creation, cue the sobering moment of revelation

You're gonna love this world if it's the last thing I do
The whole extravagant joke topped in bitter sweet chocolate goo
For someone who ain't even here yet look how much the world loves you
Look how much the world loves you.

The Baby's Room

Well, it's July 1st. Our due date is 9 days away and we finally got the baby's room in order. Let me give you a tour...

The crib and changing table were bought with graduation and birthday money (Thanks, Yia Yia and Opa!) and we found both items on Craigslist. They look brand new but were oodles cheaper than brand new baby furniture.

This is the picture hanging above the changing table. It was a birthday gift Carrie gave me years ago and I love that it's hanging in my baby's room now. It reads, "I hope it will be said we taught them to stand tall and proud, even in the face of history, and the future was made whole for us all, one chid at a time." Amen. =)

The glider and ottoman were a gift from the baby's aunties. (Thank you Rachel, Emily, Lauren, and Carrie!) The wicker basket, night stand, and lamp are items we already owned but moved to the baby's room.

The baby's bedding (a gift from Grandma) is our big ticket item. But it is OH SO CUTE! We decided to reuse a piece from our baby shower as "art" on the wall.

This was a gift from a family at Trinity. This baby has a safe place to sleep and grow and a family who loves him. I'd say he's already blessed.

This is the cradle my brother and I slept in as babies. It is now in our bedroom next to our bed.

I'm pretty dang proud of how simple we've kept things (Babies R Us can make you think that babies need a lot of crap!). We're trying to reuse things instead of buying new. Thanks to my sister--who gave us a boppy, baby monitors, and baby clothes--and a friend--who gave us a gently used car seat and TONS of baby clothes--we think we have everything we need (and more!)

Now we just need a baby. =)