I can't wait

When you reach the proper age

I will teach you to read

and you can turn the pages

how to dress & tie your shoes

your one plus ones

and your two times twos

As you grow, I'll show you things

how to ride your bike

and kick your legs out on the swings

to fold your hands & bow your head

how to say your prayers before you go to bed

And you'll teach me

of hearts & dreams

and all the most important things

and all that I have lost along the way

and I can't wait.

("I can't wait," by Sara Groves)

loving well in 2011

Happy 2011!

I've made my share of new year's resolutions. Lose 10 pounds. Run a 1/2 marathon. Move to Kansas.

But, the resolution I'm going to work really, really hard on is loving well.

2010 was a year of endings & beginnings. Maybe it was because our lives were in a constant state of transition or maybe it was because I was hormonal & sleep-deprived for most of the year.

Whatever the reason, I spent too much time this year feeling anxious. And I did my fair share of complaining. And feeling resentful. Even angry.

I was too hard on myself. I was short with my husband. I said things I didn't mean. I neglected relationships. I intentionally tried to hurt people I love.

But, it is a new year.

And I want to do better this year.

I want to love myself better. Be kinder. Gentler. More patient with myself.

I want to love my husband better. Be kinder. Gentler. More patient.

I want to love my dog better. Be kinder. Gentler. More patient.

I want to love my friends & family well. Life is too short to be angry, hold grudges, & feel sorry for myself.

So, here's to 2011. May it be a year of loving well.

goodbye, friend

Dear 2010,

You won't be over for a couple more days.

But I miss you already.

You were a good, good year. And I'm sad to see you go.

You were the year that this amazing guy turned 30

& graduated from nursing school.

And you were the year that I finished seminary

& earned this.

Oh yeah, and you were the year we welcomed this little guy.

He might just be the best thing ever.

Yep, I'd say you were a darn stinkin' good year.

Goodbye, friend. I'll remember you fondly.

milo's first christmas

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happy 5 months, milo!

Happy day, Milo! You are 5 months old today!

Oh my gosh, Milo, 4 months was SO MUCH FUN!

You are such a fun & good baby. And you hardly EVER cry. You have discovered your toes and love to play with your feet. You are really close to sitting up on your own. You want so badly to sit up in the bath tub & play with your rubber duck. You are easily entertained. We took you out to dinner & you loved playing with the straw wrapper. You love your thumb and might be a thumb sucker?!

AND, the biggest news of all, you’ve started SLEEPING!!! (You are a little messed up now that we are on vacation but BEFORE we came to KS you were sleeping 5 hour stretches at night! OMG, your mama started having dreams at night again! Hello, REM sleep, I have missed you…)

Milo, it is only 4 more days until we celebrate Christmas with you. Your first Christmas. Your very first one. And my first Christmas as a mama. I’m hoping we have many, many more Christmases together but this one is so special because it is our first one with you.

Milo, on Christmas morning you will have one gift from us. I know you will get many, many more gifts, but from us, you will get one.

I was sad about this, at first. If I could, Milo, I would buy you the moon and wrap it up for you.

But, I was reminded that you don’t care if we only have one present under the tree for you.

And I was reminded of all the gifts we give you that can’t be wrapped.

So, Milo, here are the “gifts” you’re getting this year:

Two parents who love you more than anything in this world. Two parents who are committed to loving each other & being parents together. We are committed to this family.

A daddy who works really hard so you can have a warm house to live in. And a daddy who, when he gets home from work after a long day, can’t wait for you to wake up and cry so he can run in & pick you up from your crib. He’s a good, good daddy.

And a mama who stays home with you to love & care for you all day long. A mama who loves you something fierce.

And grandparents. Milo, you are so lucky to have grandparents who love you & play with you & dote on you like you are the world’s most wonderful baby.

And great-grandparents. And aunts, uncles, & cousins.

You are surrounded, Milo. Surrounded by people who love you & who are committed to raising you.
And that is a gift that simply cannot be wrapped.

Love,
Mama

milo's fifth month

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joy.