Happy day, Milo! You are six months old today!
Six months. Half a year.
This month I flew with you to California and, when we arrived in Oakland, I took you on the moving walkway. As I stood there with you, I could see our reflections in the window. And I remembered a conversation I had with my mama about how motherhood is like standing on a moving walkway. Even if I hold really, really still and hold you really, really tight, we keep moving.
We keep moving. You keep growing. It doesn’t seem possible to me that the tiny (ok, not SO tiny) baby I birthed & brought home is now six months old. I try to savor as many moments as I can. To remember how you feel when I hold you. To tuck your baby smell away in my memory so I won’t forget it.
But it’s hard. Time goes by so fast that it feels blurry to me. Already, I can’t remember what it felt like to hold you when you were first born. And that makes me sad.
Your Auntie Lauren gave me a CD for Christmas. It’s called “Songs for Parents” & I love each and every song on the CD. This one, in particular, resonated with me. It’s called “Small Piece of You.”
I just want a small piece of you, a token to put in my pocket
and I will own that one thing and it would make me happy
I just want a small piece of you, something to put in a locket
And I will look at it daily and that will make me happy
I guess it's human nature to want to hold you very still
I guess it's in a mother to inject a little guilt
Go on son and see the world; I hope you see it all
But please please please don't forget to call.
Free to fly free to go free to not look back
That's how free I want you though it scares me half to death
Free to wander miles and miles and free to come back home
That's how free I want you though it chills me to the bone
...Go on son and spread your wings; I hope that you take flight
But please please please don't forget to write
I know you're just a baby sleeping in your bed
And you probably have other thoughts drifting through your head
I know this conversation's a little premature
It's just that I've heard eighteen years goes by like a blur...
Even though I’m sad I can’t remember what it feels like to hold “newborn you”, I love the you that you are becoming! You are sitting up on your own & you started rice cereal this week. You started rolling over to sleep on your tummy.
But I think the biggest change this month is that you are really becoming a little person. Like, um, a person with opinions! You are quick to let me know when you want something or when you’re frustrated. You’ve started arching your back & kicking your legs. (OMG!) It’s as if you know where you want to go & what you want, but you can’t quite make it happen on your own. Plus, you are so busy! You are always wiggling, squirming, reaching, grabbing, & kicking. Honestly, changing your diaper feels like wrestling a little monkey!
Now that you are six months old, you put yourself to sleep. Daddy & I rock you & read to you, but we always put you in your crib awake & you fall asleep on your own. This makes bedtime & naptime really easy but, I’ll admit, sometimes I miss holding my sleeping baby.
Last night you woke up to nurse & so I fed you. When you were finished, I held you up to burp you & you laid your head on my shoulder & went to sleep.
I know you are growing. And getting older. And you can put yourself to sleep. And you are beginning to differentiate yourself as your own person. And all the wiggling, squirming, & reaching is how you learn about the world around you.
But last night, I just sat & let you sleep on my shoulder. And I rocked & rocked & rocked you. You were
completely
still.
Content.
Peaceful.
And my heart almost exploded with love for you.
You are growing so fast. I can see it. I can see you, someday soon, starting to crawl & walk. I can imagine you going to kindergarten & I know it’s ridiculous, but I can imagine you graduating from high school & becoming a young man…
But, last night, you were still my baby. And I soaked up every
single
minute.
Love,
Mama
