30, flirty, & thriving

On my 30th birthday, I got spoiled.

A pedicure with my mama...

Lunch & cake with my family and favorite boy...

And a night on the town with my favorite man.

We had a yummy sushi dinner at "Drunken Fish"...

(My favorite birthday gift? The totally impractical and totally fabulous black dress my mom bought me to wear!)

and walked around the Power & Light district...

and stayed in a hotel with a fantastic view of downtown KC...

and had coffee & dessert on the 42nd floor of the hotel...

I'm pretty sure I'm the luckiest person on the planet.

We live fairly ordinary lives. But, for one day, it sure was wonderful to feel glamorous and EXTRAordinary!

finding our groove

I haven't been blogging.

I've written lots of blog posts in my mind, but haven't sat down to actually write them.

Partly because I'm busy.

And partly because I worry.

I started this blog because we had family in Kansas who wanted to know what was going on in Colorado.

Now, we live in Kansas again.

I worry that blogging makes me self-centered. That maybe I reveal too much. That maybe nobody is even interested in the things I'm blogging about.

But, here's the truth:

I really love blogging.

I like having an outlet. I like writing. I like documenting.

And, so, I guess I will keep blogging. And it will be up to YOU to decide if you want to keep reading.

We are slowly finding a groove.

David started his job and, for the most part, he likes it. I know people start new jobs all the time, but watching David make this transition has made me love him even more. I think he's really brave for starting over in a new hospital. He's working nights, which is a big adjustment, but he's doing great.

I have a new job in the works. I'll write more about it when the details are firmed up a little, but I'm really excited. I feel surprised and humbled by how perfect of a fit it seems for me and my little family.

We are still at my mom's and are getting comfortable. Yes, it has been an adjustment for all of us. Yes, we miss some of our privacy and independence. Yes, my mom is probably tired of baby crap being all over everything and also our super barky and annoying dogs. BUT, there are advantages to living in community. Like, for example, the fact that David and I can leave the house after Milo goes to bed! We can go for a walk or run an errand or go get icecream because Milo isn't home alone! And, sometimes, there are evenings when David is grilling and I'm in the kitchen finishing dinner and my mom is giving Milo a bath that I wonder how anyone does this parenting thing without a live-in grandparent. Sometimes, it's really, really nice.

I turned 30. I'll post some pictures later because it really was a spectacular birthday. But, for now, I'll just say that I'm excited about turning 30.

We just got back from a week in Tahoe with my sister and her family. I'll post pictures of that later, too.

Yes, we are slowly, slowly, finding our groove...

happy 11 months, milo!

Happy day, Milo! You are 11 months old!

I'm sorry your letter is so late this month. Mama has had a lot on her mind. BUT, I love you all the same, I promise.

Your 11th month brought BIG changes! Most notable is that YOU MOVED TO KANSAS! You were such a good boy during the move, Milo. You took everything in stride. The big boxes, the commotion of loading the truck, the looooooong drive, the late night hotel stay in Hays, and then moving in with Grandma. You were flexible, sweet, and charming. Really, you amazed me.

You seem to like Kansas. We took you to the pool for the first time and you loved the water. You like to splash and you laugh when Daddy throws you up high.

You rode on the back of Daddy's bike for the first time. (And, YES, you have your own helmet!) You like it when Daddy rides fast. Mommy just has to trust Daddy. And pray.

You started giving high 5's and clapping. It's pretty adorable.

And, best of all, you seem to be thriving on all the extra love and attention you've been receiving from your big, big, big Kansas family. Whenever Mama starts to miss Colorado or feels like maybe this was a mistake, I remember how big your grin gets when you see one of your grandparents. And I remember how important it is to your dad and me that you have a big family who loves you.

Milo, part of the reason your letter is late this month is because we've been busy. But part of the reason is because this is your 11 month letter. And that means that next month is your twelve month letter. It means you are almost one year old. One year old.

My heart aches a little when I think about you turning one year old. I'm so proud of you and of us for making it. This was the biggest year of my life. And I know that, God willing, we have many, many years in front of us to celebrate you.

But, you are my first baby. You are the baby that made me a mama. And it has been almost one year since you blasted my old life into pieces and helped me create a new life. One year since you made my heart grow 10 times bigger. One year since you were born.

Sometimes we look at you and we say, "When did our baby become a little boy?" Because you are. You are becoming a little boy. And that is ok because that is what you are supposed to do.

But, for your mama, it is bittersweet.

Anyway, you're not one year old yet. Today, you are still my 11-month-old. And today, just like yesterday and tomorrow, I love you with my whole heart.

Love,

Mama

milo's eleventh month

8

This week we celebrated 8 years of being married.

Thanks to Milo's grandmas, we got to go biking together, eat lunch AND dinner out, and stay out until 9:30 p.m.

But mostly, our anniversary day was just like the others.

Milo woke up. I nursed him. David changed him. David fed the dogs. He made coffee. I made breakfast. I packed Milo's diaper bag. He loaded the car. Milo took naps. He got a bath. We put him to bed.

Our anniversary was not super exciting. Not very glamorous. But I was aware of the rhythm between us. The gentle give and take. The way we have figured so many things out together.

And I was aware of how much I love having this person as my partner and friend, even after 8 years.

I still think he's funny.

He still thinks I'm beautiful.

We've been through big transitions together. And it's not always easy. But I know for sure that there's no one else I'd rather share a life with.

So, here's to us, David Baker. Happy 8th anniversary.

a mama confession: baby trickery

I have some friends with new babies. And one friend who is a month away from having a new baby.

And, sometimes, when I hang out with new babies, I can't remember why I thought new babies were hard. Because holding a baby that falls asleep when it's tired and stays asleep in Target feels way easier than a Milo baby that requires being in his crib with his two loveys, his sleep sheep, his white noise machine, and his pacifier in order to take a nap. Not to mention that it can't be too light and can't be too hot.

And also new babies don't move much when you're trying to cook dinner. Or go to the bathroom.

But, here's the thing.

Being a new mama with a new baby is so hard even if, looking back now, I can't remember why.

It's hard because becoming a mother is a big darn deal. It changes every single cell in your body. Where, before, you only had to think about yourself and maybe a pet or two, now you have to think about this little person who depends on you to stay alive.

Plus, becoming a mother makes you way dumber. I used to be smart. If you don't believe me, look at my GPA from graduate school or read old posts on this blog. But after a baby? Brain mush. Mostly because your brain is busy remembering the last time you fed your baby, trying to determine if your baby is eating enough, trying to guess if your baby is too hot, too cold, too gassy, or too constipated. Not to mention that trying to figure out a baby's sleep schedule requires a rocket science degree. Your brain is too full to remember other people's birthdays or that your car tags need renewing.

And just when you start to figure some things out, the baby comes up with NEW things to trip you up. Like getting teeth. And starting solids.

Before we moved, I felt like I was in a really good place with Milo. But then he did some magic baby trickery and changed it up on me. He is throwing fits when we try to change his diaper. He lays down on the floor and kicks his legs when you take something away that he's not supposed to have. And he makes this weird "eh eh eh" noise when he wants more oat puffs, which is pretty much every minute of the day.

I work myself into a panic when I think about what's ahead of us: toddlerdom, potty training, preschool....... it makes me pine for the "good ole days" when I only had to worry about myself.

Luckily, there is an antidote for baby trickery.

Other mamas.

You need other mamas. It's helpful to have mamas who are ahead of you. Mamas who can give you advice and pour you a glass of wine. Mamas who understand how much you love your baby but, also, how much you sometimes wish the Goodwill would come pick your baby up from the curb.

And, so, to all you new mamas and about-to-be mamas (and any friends who might someday be mamas), I want you to know that you can and will survive baby trickery.

And, if you live close by, I'll be there to pour you a glass of wine.........

Also, it really helps that babies are cute. How can you NOT love this face?

new

New.

Well, sort of new.

Returning "home" after 4 years isn't really new, but it is different.

It has been one week.

One week since we packed our whole life up in boxes and drove away from Denver. One week since we saw mountains in our rear view mirror.

This week has been weird. Not all bad, not all good. Mostly kind of weird.

We are settling in at my mom's. She has graciously made space for us while we figure out what to do next.

We've gotten to see my in-laws a couple of times. It is SO nice to be fed and to have people chase your baby around for you.

I caught Milo reading a book with his Uncle Matt the other day and it made me swell up with happiness to see Milo sitting on his knees and pointing to animals in his giant animal book. He'd look up at his Uncle Matt and wait to hear Uncle Matt tell him the name of the animal. Then he would smile.

All of this has confirmed for me that I want Milo to have more family than just David and me.

But, also.

I've cried.

I've been sad.

I've felt lost.

I've felt disappointed.

Change is hard.

I don't think I realized how much of my identity was tied up with living in Colorado. How much I liked telling people I lived there. How much of my "story" centered around leaving Kansas and going to Colorado for graduate school.

It was easy, in the middle of the mountains, to sense God's presence.

However, I am convinced God is also present here. In Kansas. In my everyday, ordinary story. I can feel that God is doing something new. That God will somehow knit together the education and experiences I've had into something beautiful. That God can use me here.

I changed the name of this blog. No longer "Life in Denver," but a new title. I'm trying it out. "The Sacred is in the Ordinary" is my reminder that daily life is saturated with God's goodness. With God-ness. If only we have eyes to see it.