A Mama Confession: This is hard.

(Lest you read this post and get the impression I think motherhood is a cake walk...)

I know Milo is a good baby. I love him. I am lucky to be his mom. But holymarymotherofjesus, being a mama is hard.

Last night I had to pray to God. For real. Because at 4:30 a.m. I needed help. I've done enough spiritual discernment to know I shouldn't expect immediacy from God--that when I ask God for something I shouldn't expect immediate (if any) results. But I think God might have a clause for new mothers because last night I prayed--out loud--"HELP!" I prayed that God would zap me immediately with the patience I needed to endure Milo's 4 a.m. feeding without screaming at him or leaving him in his crib while I drove to Mexico.

Like I said, Milo's a good baby. But last night at 4:30, when Milo was awake for the third time and the world's largest booger was stuck in his right nostril making it impossible for him to breathe and eat at the same time and David, who is way better than me at extracting boogers with the suction bulb thingy, was at work, we both cried.

I'm sure Milo thinks it's way harder to be a baby than it is to be a mama.

Lucky for both of us, God sensed my urgency and responded. I found enough patience and kindness to finish Milo's feeding, ginormous booger and all.

This morning I needed out of the house. David needed to sleep and I needed out of the house. So I packed Milo up and took him to a breastfeeding group that my friend took me to last month. We're not really having trouble with breastfeeding, I just wanted to be surrounded by other non-baby human beings.

I cannot tell you how comforting it is to be supported by other mothers. The woman who sat next to me started crying as soon as she sat down and told me she is just. so. tired. And I didn't even know her name but I felt like I could have hugged her and said, "I know how you feel, sister!"

It was so nice hearing that other mothers have babies who only sleep 3 hours at a time at night and who also want to eat every 2-2.5 hours. (Babywise and other such "resources" make me feel like he should be on a better feeding schedule and should be sleeping through the night by now.) I've decided that most mothers are flooded with guilt and anxiety and worry because, let's be honest, keeping another human being alive is hard. freaking. work.

So, Mr. Babywise author man, unless you are volunteering to come over tonight at 4 a.m. and suction my baby's nose, feed him a bottle, and change his diaper while I sleep, I've had just about enough of you thank you very much.