It is Wednesday morning here. We left Denver 10 days ago and, the truth is, I am ready to be home. I am ready for flush toilets, showers, a/c, clean clothes, and my husband. I am tired of walking, falafel, and sleeping on a mattress on the floor. The truth is, I am tired of hearing sad and painful things. I can FEEL the stories in my body--my body is carrying them and I think it is full.
I am tired of occupation. I am tired of barbed wire and checkpoints and soldiers and 10-year-old Jewish boys who call our Palestinian tour guides "bastards." I am tired of hearing about men who are arrested for no reason. Yesterday, we saw nearly 1000 children carrying buckets to the soup kitchen where they receive a bucket of soup for their family. We met a mother who can't send her children outside in the front yard because settlers will throw bricks. I am tired, tired, tired.
And the truth is, I am a wimp. I have only been here 10 days and I am tired. I am full. And it humbles me. I don't know how people live like this day after day and year after year. I don't know how they handle the fear and anxiety and the feeling like you might cry at any moment. They are amazing. They are brave. They are resilient. They are the REAL peacemakers. I am just tired...
3 comments:
At least you are there, and because of that, many of us at home will never be the same.
Love you forever,
Mom
...just keep swimming???
I am sitting in England reading about your daily steps, and your words have enabled me to walk with you. Your path has taken you into some of the darkest shadows of human life, and the reality of the experiences you have shared has opened the eyes of your soul in new, deep, and powerful ways. Your daily efforts to put it into words has made it possible for others to see and feel this with you.
The awful things that have made you so tired and that you mentioned so forcefully are things that the whole world needs to face and come to the same feeling. With a philosophy of peace and justice, you went knowing it was crazy to attempt change, but it was an attempt to be a better kind of crazy. Now, you are tired and feeling the weight of it all. But we have been able to vicariously travel with you, and you have made us feel these things with you, in the countryside of England and across America. You call yourself a wimp, but, in fact, you are a brave reporter walking amidst travail and peril, telling the world a moving story and baring your soul and deepest emotions. It is good work. And, hopefully, your efforts will have future continuing impact on the awareness of the problems.
You may be tired, but I know you are still putting your whole heart into it. You may be one person, but the struggles you are going through there, watching their struggles, are making all of us that are following your journey better people. This is just one of the many ways that YOU are changing the world. Love you.
Carrie
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